


An Innocent Man

by meetmeatthecoda



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: A little, Angst, Drama, F/M, Lizzington - Freeform, Red's pov, Set in Season 1, Stream of Consciousness, anti-keen2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 12:25:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13501636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meetmeatthecoda/pseuds/meetmeatthecoda
Summary: Response to a tumblr prompt asking for a Red & Liz fic using the lyrics of the song "An Innocent Man" by Billy Joel. One-shot. Lizzington and anti-Keen2. Red's POV of his angsty, stream-of-consciousness musings on Tom and Liz's season 1 relationship.





	An Innocent Man

**Author's Note:**

> The full lines of italicized text are lyrics from "An Innocent Man" by Billy Joel. I do not own them or the characters, as always.

He watches him break her. 

Red can do nothing but stand off to the side, lurk in the background, as Tom lies and cheats and hits. Her. His Lizzie. The gall of him. How dare he? 

Every time he thinks of it, sees his smug face hidden behind those stupid, useless glasses, Red feels a deep-seated rage fill him. How could he have let Lizzie be so duped? So fooled, so betrayed. Because the whole thing is his fault, of course. 

It’s so obvious to him, so clear, so easy to see how fake Tom is. He has to remind himself that Lizzie has no reason to doubt her faultless husband, no reason to suspect. After all, why would she? As far as she knows, her life is perfectly normal. 

(And how he wishes it was, for her sake.)

But it hurts him, actually causes him physical pain, to see Lizzie with Tom. It baffles Red. How does she stand it? How can she bear his touch? How does she not flee the house in an instant, escape, get herself as far from his duplicitous lies as possible? Why doesn’t she _leave_? But she doesn't.

Lizzie doesn’t see.

Red wishes he could tell her, show her, open her eyes, to what Tom is doing to her. How he is not, has never been, and will never be good for her. Lizzie deserves someone who would burn down the world for her. 

(Red told her that once, sort of. He’s not so foolish as to think that person is him. Certainly not. But that doesn’t stop him from wishing. Because he would.)

He wishes he could help her, tear off her blinders and reveal the bad guy, be the hero. Her hero. But it never works that way. Life is never as neat as storybooks. And she can’t run from the villain if she doesn’t know there is one. She has to see it for herself. He knows from experience that it's no use trying to convince her. That never works either. 

(Because there was another woman. Before. But at least Josephine had been aware of how dangerous her husband was, she was afraid of him, would have left him if she could have. For Red. But Lizzie…Lizzie is so blind.)

Red wishes that Lizzie could see him, really see him. See him for the person he is, not the criminal he has to be. If she did, he is sure that she would have no choice but to see all the love he has for her, the love he is so ready to give her, that is just pouring out of him, reaching for her, _aching_ for her, if only she would just _look at him_. 

But he is not a person to her. He is a figure, a representation of everything she hates. And the knowledge that she’d rather go home and let that _snake_ slither into bed with her will never fail to _destroy_ him. But it’s no more than he deserves, after everything he’s done to her, and it’s his cross to bear. 

(And if that means he has to drown himself in alcohol every night to stop his traitorous mind from picturing _his hands on her_ then so be it. He’ll do anything.)

Lizzie doesn’t see him. So Red has to wait. And, while he waits, he watches.

He watches as Tom lies to her about who he is, why he's in her life, why he’s married to her, living in her house, sleeping in her bed. Red tries to warn her but she just won't listen. It’s not her fault, she is loyal to him, the _dog_ , and she is trying to keep them safe, defend their idyllic suburban world. She is so devoted to that, their life, that she’s willing to take all of the abuse, all the hurt, the manipulation, without any protest at all, no knowledge of it. 

_I know you don't want to hear what I say_  
_I know you're gonna keep turning away_  
He wants to tell her.  
_But I've been there and if I can survive_  
_I can keep you alive_  
He would never do anything less. It’s his only goal in this life.  
_I'm not above going through it again_  
_I'm not above being cool for a while_  
_If you're cruel to me I'll understand_  
She yells and screams and lashes out and he takes it, welcomes it, because he knows it’s necessary for her to see the truth. And so long as she sees it eventually, he'll endure it all gladly.

He watches as Tom cheats on her with a blonde Russian and a brunette schoolteacher and other countless, nameless woman. Red watches as Tom ignores Lizzie, the most _beautiful woman in the world_ , for other, unworthy women, in favor of feeling young and reckless and dirty. It's disgusting, _foul_ , and he has killed men for less.

Red tries to tell her but she doesn't believe it, her beloved Tom would never _cheat on her_ , her unassuming grade school teacher. She’s so sure that there’s not a dishonest bone in his body, there couldn’t possibly be, and Red, the criminal, must be the one lying. Naturally.

_I know you're only protecting yourself_  
_I know you're thinking of somebody else_  
He wants to tell her.  
_Someone who hurt you but I'm not above_  
_Making up for the love_  
_You've been denying you could ever feel_  
He is not like Tom, he would never do those things to her.  
_I'm not above doing anything_  
_To restore your faith if I can_  
He would love her. Endlessly.

And when the day comes that Tom hits her, Red looks at the mark on Lizzie’s forehead, an ugly bruise marring her pale beautiful skin, and he nearly kills him. And he would have, gladly, if Lizzie wasn't waist deep in denial, drowning in her awful, toxic love for him.

(It makes him sick. This is all his fault. What has he done?)

But it's not long after that that she finally breaks through, finally stumbles upon the hard evidence that her logical, beautiful, trusting mind needed to see. She _finally accepts_. And she comes to Red, _at last_ , broken and in pain, and Red consoles her, loves her, as much as she’ll let him. 

(That’s all he’s ever wanted.)

As he holds her, kisses her, tries not to suffocate under the weight of his love for her, he vows to himself that he will never let that _pitiful excuse for a man_ hurt her again. 

_I'm only willing to hear you cry_  
_Because I am an innocent man_  
He wants to tell her.  
_And although this is a fight I can lose_  
_The accused is an innocent man_

Because he is accused. Of so many things. So many violent, horrible crimes. But, here, in this, he is an innocent man. 

Because the only thing he’s guilty of? 

Is loving her.


End file.
